almost time

There is this strange sense of excitement running through me. I'm putting together the 'chemo kit' for the last time. It's weird how after a couple times i've compartmentalized the whole experience and made check lists in my head as to how to prepare for the chemo treatments and then the afterward. Preparation is the easy part for me....cleaning, laundry, bleaching, Ensure gathering etc. making sure my cell phone is charged to make calls...making sure i have access to the blog so that i can let all of our wonderful stalkers know what the doc said...
Then i wait,,,,wait while i perform all the normal daily tasks. naps, lunch/ final bleaching/ dinner prep, get big girls home...get any weekend plans scheduled...snack....and then go pick up doug.
we come home...he naps and the process begins....each time he would tell you it is different...the side effects of the poison takes on a life of its own. with each treatment we've added different items to the 'chemo kit'. the bloody noses were handled with humidifier and nose spray...the chills were handled with warmer jammies..achy bones handled with pain meds and heating pad...this past time his tummy seems to be getting upset...so Zantac has become part of the goodie basket.

Today i put the chemo kit together on the dresser....i thumbed my nose at all of it!! I tell them that we aren't going to need you all again!! last time when doug came home we began the whole 'only one more time'...and 'the next time will be the last'....talk. I like that talk....i like thinking that tomorrow is the last time my baby will be poked by those long needles and attached to a bag of poisonous solution. this will be the last time he has to endure sitting in that cold room with the maniacal white lights blaring down on him and watch the constant stream of other cancer patients come in and out for their treatments...

In my mind this is the end of the game. No more Drama in My Life as Mary J would sing. We've sucked it up...we've endured the sadness/sickness/inconvenience of it all...
now we are just going to quietly move on with our lives.
Everything will all go back to normal now...
right?????????????????????????????