when the girls got to be school age douglas and i took a class called Active Christian Parenting..the class was taught by our mentors the Blackwells whom we love and adore to this day. it was an eye opening class that taught us the theory of Logical Consequences. It isn't like that concept is rocket science or something like that..but when it comes to parenting lets face it...sending a kid to their room is easier than trying to connect punishment to the crime. We have tried (and of course not always accomplished) to implement that concept into our parenting repertoire.
Later on when the girls were pushing tween-dom and our lives were shifting a bit...we got some more advice. advice from a man from EMO (a man that is about to become a grandpa for the first time...which i just can't help teasing his wife) that left me speechless (hard to imagine i'm sure)...his comment was i'm sure not meant to rearrange my brain..certainly when he was talking to me he wasn't preaching we were just in conversation about being parents....but what he said to me changed my life!!
he said...'oh mrs. B...you know...our responsibility here is to just raise people that will continue to contribute to the world and do good things for other people'.
that simple comment put the ministry of parenting into total perspective for me.
Did it add a little weight to the job...YES...
Did it add a wee bit of pressure.........YES...
Did it give me a clear picture on what exactly i was to be doing on a daily basis...HELL YES...and that was GREAT!! I guess i had been languishing in the mire of 'trying' to be a good parent...'trying' to figure out what measuring stick i needed to use to determine if we were doing a good job.
From there on out...i had the mission of looking for outward signs that our children were making good choices....learning to contribute to the world and do good things for other people. Not measure them in terms of just their grades and the kids they hung out with. it has enabled douglas and i to at least have a guidepost for the everyday living that we do. It gives language to the actions of the day.
You are probably wondering where this all came from.....why is she getting so...so....damn high and mighty....please, don't think i'm high and mighty....my kids have done a good job at being good people lately and damn it...i think it is ok for us to take some credit for that...not all the credit...and certainly we have to take credit when they make choices that aren't so life giving....but...today...today...i feel good about what we've been able to do thus far....
i also just happen to have some pictures of Mr. K that really strikes me of his father. My Douglas has done a tremendous job of Living out examples to our children. He contributes to the world and does good things for other people.
Here is a picture of Me holding a birthday cake that Douglas made for me for my 27th birthday...and here is his son getting busy in the kitchen making brownies for his family to enjoy.
Here is a picture of Douglas duded up in his tool belt (it is meant to look comical because we were on our way to a costume party) but anyone who knows douglas knows what he looks like holding a hammer and then here is his son...all ready to fix something in his own tool belt....(and YES douglas wears pants when he is using his tools)
Remembering everyday that it is our responsibility to help raise kids that make good choices isn't easy...we have found that a Catholic Education certainly helps that process and actually makes it easier (i think)..... but...when they are off on their own....away at camp....or at home alone while you run errands .... we get a sense of just what kind of a job we are doing....
this is today of course,,,,when they are grown and gone and raising their own families i guess we'll really be able to determine what kind of job we've done.
hmmmmmmmmm
now if that doesn't make me want to have a stiff drink...i don't know what will..
9 comments:
I know in spite of my parenting mistakes, and with the help of the "village",(it takes a village you know..)I couldn't be more proud of my kid and the wife, mother, daughter, friend ... she has become.
You and Douglas are terrific parents as evidenced by Victoria, Rebecca, Koen and Katharine. I love you all more than words can express.
nana
mom..........that isn't what this was supposed to be about...
Luckily I was already drinking a glass of wine when I read this :) It is a lot of pressure to not just ground your kids and to teach them the moral of the story.
Justin once told me that our job is to raise our kids into good, healthy (physically and emotionally) adults and that was the first time I'd heard that "theory" - so either he knows your neighbor or someone just as wise :)
Oprah and your blog were very informative today!
winelover...do you recognize the location of the cake picture..our beloved Broadmeadows!!! i picked up my case of molson for next week...
Oprah was prempted down here due to women's basketball...but so happy to be mentioned in teh same sentence..
"Logical Consequences" made me who I am today--without a doubt!
Kudos to the Florida Mr and Mrs B :o)
Yes - and I bet that flooring is still in those apartments!
To Eastmoormom...
So I missed your point....I'm still proud of you and the job you and Douglas are doing in raising your (our) beautiful (grandchildren) children.
nana
what i mean is..i wasn't fishing for compliments....
i was just sharing a parenting philosphy that seems to be working for Us...TODAY...doesn't mean the world doesn't turn on an ear...but...TODAY is a good day.
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