why are you here now?

asked the Outreach Hospice Worker who was there to lead group.

she asked me this after i was the third person to introduce myself.

My name is:
I lost my husband on:
pause

why are you here now?
translation what took you so long since the previous group participants have been coming for months and have not hit their one year anniversaries yet.

i answered the leader by saying that i always knew i would come...i was just waiting for me to feel like i could go and talk. the group meets at a Catholic church here in my city....i knew about this group long before Douglas had even died..i told myself that i would probably go in the fall.

its fall and hheeeeeeerrrrrreeeeeeeees Sheri!

the group was three guys and me...at least for the first few minutes and then another woman came in.
everything is confidential
what is said here - stays here kind of thing
so i can't tell you what the others talked about
but i can tell you that i talked about...

that even when someone is terminally ill...and is that way for a while...death is still a surprise!

changing some things immediately is a coping mechanism...for me it was new bedding

grief is easier managed for me because i have children to keep me busy

Cancer sure is deadly

that just like the lady on Biggest Looser this season...dying can seem like an easier option than living

not having a confidant/lover/best friend is so damn lonely

cremation is more popular than i thought

overall the meeting went well. i did wind up crying a little bit...but i wasn't the only one.
the wee ones had fun playing in the play room and were upset that there were too many mosquitoes outside to play on the swings.
i decided that i would probably go back again.

and, then on the drive home it dawned on me.

the last time i was here at St. Joan....Douglas and I were at a Engaged Encounter meeting.....

i'll still go back again.
there is something to be said for sitting in a room with people who really do know exactly how you feel....