it will be a long week i think...
my mind just can't stay in this day and time..
it keeps wandering back to a year ago...

what were we doing...
what were we saying...

i'm not sure i'm prepared for this....shit..who is right???

here is what i had to say a year ago...
and here is what our life looked like...




I just keep thinking how blessed we are...i know...you're thinking she is on drugs...(and i'm not talking about my happy pills)
but...you know...this crappy discease has at least given us time to say and do most of things we would want to have done. we have been able to ask all the questions..ponder the future TOGETHER...kind of like vacation..you know that by such and such a time you will have wanted to do thus-n-such

hm...i was a bit scattered...
I really did believe that we were blessed....i was full of gratitude and faith...

.......
yesterday i went back thru my Franklin to look at my values and goal planning sheets.
i was surprised to see that i had 2008 sheets and NONE for 2009.


Value: Successful Marriage - 'live the EE rules'
Value: Appearance - 'I will make more of an effort to be attractive to my husband'
Role: Wife - 'i want to be lifegiving and compassionate and respectful of my husband.'



i guess i didn't have any goals for this year...
yes..that is a lie...
my goal was just to get thru it..
but when i looked at teh 2008 goals...i was happy to note that i actualy had met most of them...it was heartbreaking to think that this years goals will not include douglas....
the 'Role' of Wife will not be included in my daily/weekly planning.


yep...its gonna be a long ass week....