knock knock...whos there??? Gene Doctor

today i had the ever popular annual visit to the 'female doctor'.
all was well...didn't need to pee in a cup...that is always a bonus AND the nurse just ASKED me what i weigh rather than actually making me get on the scale...
i would have turned around anyway...
cuz i ALWAYS turn around and NEVER watch them tip the weight thingees.

we chatted a bit. i am blessed to have a great OB...have been with this practice since before i was married...we caught up on what all the kids are doing..i let her know that i'd be inviting her to the Wine and Cheese gathering that i'll be hosing in a couple weeks. (for the Ave Maria Academy info meeting)

and then...she pulled out the dreaded history sheet...
clip board settled on her lap....
she looks to me and says...
well, i think your family history of breast cancer deserves some looking into.
the better news is that all the incidents of cancer are on your fathers side..
the not so good news is the number of incidents.
'i think you might consider BRCA to rule out the existence of 'the gene''.

hmmm
long pause...
uncomfortable laugh
REEEELLLYYY

dial back a bit.
well, with each of the pregnancies you know douglas and i always opted out of 'those' tests...we always said...what if the baby is sick...its not like we won't have it...

doc says..
yes, that is right and we all agreed on that.
this is a bit different.
you have options after you get results.
we can remove your ovaries
we would put you into ultra observations...MRI's and lumpectomies...
or if you don't have a particular issue we would remove your breasts..

more uncomfortable laughter...
then i asked...do you think i could get a tummy tuck along with size D boobies.???

silence broken.
i ask if i can put my underpants back on before the nurse draws blood.
she smiles and says yes.

after putting my clothes back on and walking down the hall to the blood draw room the reality kind of starts to set in...
actually the reality is i've thought about this a long time...
a long long time...
conversations with my aunts and mother..
if i should find out...
if i shouldn't..

i wish to God douglas were here cuz i'd make him decide.
cuz then i could blame him..
ha.

nurse had a hell of a time finding a vein...
good thing i'm not a drug user...
i'd fall asleep b4 getting high...ha!

so the blood ships off and then the BRCA people consult with my insurance company and then call me with the cost to run the test
and then i give the yes or no.

so i guess i'm not totally committed yet.

***********************
on the way home i begin to think -) and think and think and think.

1. ethically what does this mean..the existence of these types of tests...the availability of these tests....
2. will an insurance company be able to find out that i had the test?
meaning,,when i get back into the work force and have an employee offered insurance plan...will i have to sign a paper indicating that i have or have not had some type of genetic testing.
3. God forbid the tests are positive...is the existence of the gene considered a preexisting condition? you know..until those are outlawed...it could be?? but i don't know.
4. what about life insurance??? will i be able to purchase a policy with the existence of 'the gene'
5. crap..do i really want to know???
6. how can i not know....its not like i can just tell myself..if something happens douglas will raise the kids..hell i always had the fear he'd do a better job than me...

this whole thing is really blowing my mind a bit.

what would you do?