24 hour depression

do you ever have those periods in life/days/hours/minutes where you think you see signs all around you...

points to this or that...
clearly indicating that you should either do this or do that..
then you wonder...is it the 'devil'...is it my 'gut'...
what the hell am i doing...or not doing...

well, that is pretty much how my day went yesterday...
and apparently it didn't go unnoticed...as i found this in my email inbox..

I'm just glad you're doing tomorrow. When I left you yesterday I wasn't sure you were ever going to run again. I told Carm how disappointed you were and she was so sad. We definitely want you to be a happy runner girl again.

the email from a dear lady who i run with three times a week...also one of the gals that ran the mud fest on sunday....she sent this after i responded that i would run this morning our regular schedule.

and to be honest ... i kinda thought this PHASE of my life was over....
that run on sunday was enough to almost break me!!

*i could not believe how much i walked in the run.
*i can't believe how fat i look in the picture we had taken...my head looks like a balloon...when you see a 'fat picture' of yourself it just kills you.
*my shoes were potentially ruined and i don't really have the money to buy new ones.
*i have a Couples Party to go to on friday and have no date (i did ask someone but he has plans)
*i'm sad that my political opinions are so different from so many people i love and respect
*i wound up on the couch b/c my wee ones took up too much room on my bed

and then this morning...
i hit the snooze twice which left me little time to properly eat b4 a run
i did not really prep my shoes at all so i wasn't sure if they would be dry
my wee ones came down crying at 5am claiming to be scared from bad dreams
it was cold and damp outside.

all reasons to just go back to bed and say F*@#k it.
but....i did get up
i got my coffee on
i got dressed
i banged the mud off my shoes
and i went outside to the ladies waiting there.

AND BOY am i glad i did!!
we had a great four mile run!!
my runner chicks pulled me out of the proverbial mud
talked me right thru miles 2 3 and 4....

i'm not sure that it was my gut that got me out of bed....but i'm glad that i didn't take all those 'signs' as reasons not to continue...

so...i'm icing my hip...and thinking toward our 5 miles on thurs and then our 10 on sunday...

as my big girls say...'boooo yaaa'