MY Lanta MY peach

I was in such a funk yesterday.
my gut was churning since the night b4 and i could not get settled down.
by the time i got ms. lu into her crib i was exhausted and ready to go to bed
as par usual my son finds his way into my bed....my little toe headed binky sucking underpants wearing mini Doug!!!
he had had a rough couple days..just out of sorts..not being very nice and off the hook with some not nice words....(thank you big sisters!!)
so when he climbed into the bed next to me..i braced myself for more of the same....

but rather...
he whimpered and said...i miss daddy.....

then he talked about me crying 'everytime you saw daddy'...
when i ask him more about this...i get the picture that he is talking about me standing in front of the casket.
i wish that i could erase that picture from my little guys head...it obviously makes him very sad...

so, we settled in to watch HG or FOOD..i couldn't quite decide when my peach came in to ask me if she should take my temperature...i didn't feel feverish so i said no...then she asked me if her Mylanta might be good....and you know....it sounded perfect...so my little nurse ran down to get the bottle and the measuring spoon...

took a couple spoonfuls of that...waited for the teenager to get home and then i promptly turned out my light.

at 5 Lu was up....not for long..but long enough to get me out of bed
at 7 V was up getting ready for swimteam.
it is now 8:25....i've checked email, done a Buck run and finished my Espresso Truffle and posted here.....

i would say that my valentines day is off to an ok start.

did i tell you that during one of my breakdowns yesterday my MIL showed up with a bouquet of flowers...she said she brought them but didn't know what kind of flowers douglas used to get me...
i of course lost it big time.....

but i laughed because...flower giving wasn't a big constant with my mr. b. he was more of a jewelry man....of course early early early PRE kids he was a writer....and maker of jewelry boxes...
later...if we had a shot at going out we took it....otherwise....all celebrating took place after the children were asleep...:)

so, i'm still not exactly sure why i have gotten so upset these past couple days...i mean....it feels like the scar that had closed over my heart was just wripped open and i can't stop the bleeding....
am i feeling the loss of the feeling of being wanted
am i feeling unloved (no!)
am i just lonely...missing the warmth of a man's touch?

i think..i'll just bide my time till midnight rolls around...that seemed to work with the other holidays....